Kmflett's Blog

Beard Liberation Front

19^th December

Jeremy Clarkson has form on hate speech. Misogyny, racism & pogonophobia too

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that it is not surprised at Jeremy Clarkson’s misogynistic and racist comments about Meghan Markle, for which he has now issued a form of an apology.

Clarkson has a history of hate speech even extending to the less serious issue of beards

He grew a beard in 2014 but by 2015 he was writing in a tabloid paper in 2015 that people with beards should be arrested. It appears however that he did not turn himself into police.

The Beard Liberation Front Beard expressed concern previously about remarks Clarkson made in his Sunday Times column on 7th March 2021. They included his view that he had dribbled in his beard and food had become lodged in it. Whether or not these comments were accurate they are amongst the well-known pogonophobic tropes in existence.

Beard Liberation Front

19^th December

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

2022 Beard, Shorts & Sandals Season pre-Christmas re-opening

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that the 2022 Beard, Shorts and Sandals Season will re-open this week in the run-up to Christmas.

After a period of exceptionally cold weather temperatures across the UK are forecast to be 13-14C on Monday although some areas will be wet. Temperatures will drop down to 8-9C as the week goes on which may be too chilly for shorts and sandals

2022 Pre Xmas Season guidelines

1] Shorts should  be three-quarter length-‘culottes’. The length of shorts is particularly important as climate change may mean that unprotected legs can get chillblains

2] Footwear should be casual. There is a considerable range of sandal type footwear now available. Some leave parts of the feet and toes open to public view, while some do not. The BLF is not prescriptive about the matter.

3] Socks should usually be worn in the Xmas Season. However there is no definitive policy on this currently.

3a] If the beard, shorts and sandals are to be displayed in relatively busier urban areas it is likely to be prudent to wear closed rather than open casual footwear and ankle socks, not visible to others may be worn.

4] There is no prescription or definition on what type of beard may be worn, or how this may match with the shorts and sandals. This is left up to the individual. However fuller organic beards are usual at this time of year

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, the Beard, Socks and Sandals season has been a major influence on fashions in recent times but this is the first time ever that we have opened an Xmas Season. We are expecting a few Santas in shorts this week.

Beard Liberation Front

13th April

Six Steps to growing a seasonal beard

1 Do not shave and recycle all shaving equipment immediately

2  Allow facial hair to develop over a 7-10 day period

3 Wash the facial hair at least twice every day and purge any split ends

4 An organic beard grows naturally so do not trim at this stage

5 After 10 days judicious and occasional trimming may be employed. There is a fine balance between a beard that is stylish and one that is genuinely organic

6 Under trimming is better than over trimming. Over trimming may lead to having needlessly to repeat steps 1-5

Beard Liberation Front

Media Release 19^th December

Contact BLF Organiser Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard of the Year 2022. Final Rounds of voting underway

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said the final rounds of voting for the coveted Beard of the Year title is underway. The 2021 winner, author and broadcaster Michael Rosen will face off against Strictly star Hamza Yassin along with six other contenders

The Award was first given in 2000 when the late Frank Dobson won. Author and broadcaster Michael Rosen won the on-line poll in 2021.

A longlist has been shaved to a shortlist and after two semi-finals and a final the winner will be announced on 28th December

The campaigners say that the criteria for inclusion on the longlist remain the same as in previous years:

A nominee must have had a beard for most of the calendar year

The beard wearer must have provided a positive public image of the hirsute

Beard lengths and styles are not taken into account.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, we’re moving into the follicle frenzy part of the year. We expect competition for the coveted Beard of the Year title to bristle

Beard of the Year Shortlist

Roy Keane

Benjamin Zephaniah

Graham Norton

Michael Rosen

Moeen Ali

Hamza Yassin

Alexei Sayle

Gareth Southgate

Oliver Dowden: there’s no success like failure

Oliver Dowden has been in the media ‘explaining’ why the Tories won’t negotiate a reasonable pay rise for nurses. His explanations do not of course make sense but this is normal for Dowden who has appeared, briefly, in a range of Ministerial roles

When he was Culture Minister (February 2020-September 2021 Oliver Dowden opined on his then favourite subject-culture wars. He wrote in the Sunday Telegraph (16.5.21) that he was not a Maoist but a Moreist.

By this he meant (he claimed) that he was in favour of more statues not less and more history. Dowden’s statements are invariably amusing. There seem to have been very few (if any)statues erected on his watch any more than, despite his insistence, there was any great move to take statues down. Further the ‘more history’ Dowden wants most definitely does not include any more detail about British imperial activities.

Dowden also noted that he believed that museums and cultural institutions should be free of Government meddling and to make sure he set up a committee to, er, well meddle. Its primary purpose was to promote Dowden’s Moreist perspective.

He purged the wrong kind of person from Trustee Boards. Indeed so blatant was he that Charles Dunstone, who is believed to be not unfavourable to the Tory Party, resigned as Chair of the Royal Museums, Greenwich in protest.

In one of many Tory re-shuffles Dowden was replaced as Culture Minister by Nadine Dorries and he then became Chair of the Tory Party (September 2021-June 2022) In this role he produced a range of baffling waffle although in context this was during the latter days of the Johnson Premiership.

He was appointed Chancellor of the Duchy of Lancaster on 25^th October 2022. He has certainly cultivated the Tory Hard Right particularly when he was Culture Minister but his Ministerial career suggests someone promoted far beyond his competence who can only last for a limited period before the sack occurs.

With luck and determination current industrial disputes may mean he has to look for his next job outside of Parliament even though his Hertsmere seat appears a safe one

The Imperial Sprout: a brief history

Christmas is peak sprout time. Traditionally this is because it was the only green vegetable available at this time year before refrigeration and air freight became features.

It appears that thanks to a warm summer and very cold recent days this year’s Christmas sprouts will be smaller but sweeter than usual and obviously more expensive although there is no shortage.

The Murdoch Times (17^th December 2022) provided a brief history of the sprout.

It appears to be an imperial vegetable. It originates in Asia but was to be found in Northern Europe by the early thirteenth century. The suggestion is that it was brought back by Crusaders who had been fighting Islamophobic wars in the Holy Lands. By the sixteenth century sprouts were particularly popular in Brussels, hence the name, but have long been a staple of the Christmas dinner. They are usually served over cooked and mushy for those wondering how the traditional British delicacy is served….

Update

In one of her Christmas programmes Nigella Lawson has launched a Culture War on sprout-phobes declaring them ideologically wrong. However Jakob (an Ambridge vet) has remained resolute in his sprout-phobia this week and we’ve been reminded that Rylan is not sure what a sprout is

The Ambridge Socialist

18^th December

Eddie Grundy: ‘when a poor man came in sight, gathering winter fuel’..

Eddie Grundy has been helping out at the rewilding project and noted a considerable number of logs. These are designed to help the natural habitat and its inhabitants to develop but  Eddie not unreasonably given the cost of living and energy crisis pondered whether the logs would not be better off being used for fuel.

The problem is as both Eddie and Ed Grundy know that taking logs without permission from private property is illegal. Deforestation legislation is aimed at preventing the chopping down of trees for fuel and other purposes (although developers often get away with ignoring it).

Eddie Grundy could assert his traditional right, as a local tenant farmer, to gather fuel in the Ambridge area. In his book, Whigs and Hunters, E P Thompson noted eighteenth century disputes about whether local people from areas like South Mimms and Edmonton had the right to gather firewood on Enfield Chase. They claimed the right to do so, the rich who in effect policed the land disagreed..

Indeed Eddie has persuaded Ed and Emma to collect logs (albeit naturally damp ones) and he is busy selling them to those who seek, quite reasonably, cheap means of heating in a cost of living crisis

Kirsty noticing that logs have been removed has set up with Rex a remote camera to find the culprits. At the end of the week Rex and Tony review the footage in the Bull but can’t agree if it’s a matter for the Moral Maze or not..

Jazzer’s tactics outwit Martyn Gibson

The Ambridge Socialist firmly believes that the best way to win better terms and conditions is to unionise and organise. We have often made the case for that at Berrow Farm particularly as Neil Carter is a former Union rep. There is always room however for innovative strategies. Jazzer seized the moment at an Xmas event thrown by Martyn Gibson of Borchester Land. He used Gibson outing himself as someone who had appeared on reality TV to get extract a promise of improved terms and conditions. Good work but union organisation is still needed

Its Christmas in Ambridge

Christmas Chronicles and Choir Wars. At least its better than the Christmas Panto

Meanwhile Tony is not a fan of Christmas

CAMPAIGN FOR REAL SANTAS

Organised by the Beard Liberation Front

18th December

Contact Keith Flett  07803 167266

BRIAN BLESSED VOTED REAL ‘ORGANIC’ SANTA OF THE YEAR

The Campaign for Real Santas, which campaigns for Santas to have genuine organic or knitted beards, has said that veteran actor Brian Blessed has been voted the best real organic Santa of 2022 regaining the title he has previously held from author and broadcaster Michael Rosen.

The nominations for Real Santa of 2022 were:-

Ray Winstone, Actor

Brian Blessed, Actor

Michael Rosen, author & broadcaster

Ricky Tomlinson, actor and activist

The Campaign for Real Santas believes that only Santas with genuine, organic or knitted beards should be deputies for Santa, world famous for his organic beard, in the run up to Xmas

CFRS organiser Keith Flett said, We don’t know for sure that any of the people on the shortlist do help Santa at this time of year but we do think they are potentially excellent role models for real Santas as opposed to the absurd false bearded types. Congratulations go to Brian Blessed and commiserations to Michael Rosen although we are sure both will continue to make excellent Santas

Beard of the World Cup 2022

Beard Liberation Front

17^th December

Olivier Giroud shaves Messi in Beard of the World Cup vote

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has revealed the results of its poll on the Beard of the World Cup.

As ever with BLF poll it was NOT about how long, short, styled or whatever the players beard is.

It is about the impact that the beard has had on the overall performance of the team during World Cup games up to the semi-finals.

The 2022 World Cup has been one of the most hirsute ever and BLF observers have watched each match and assessed the beard power on the pitch.

A shortlist of four  for the Beard of the World Cup 2022 went to a public on-line vote:

Messi (Argentina) 17%

Giroud (France) 55%

Kane (England) 9%

Amrabat (Morocco) 19%

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, this poll was specifically about beards and the impact players who wear them have had. Olivier Giroud’s hair and beard combo easily outscored opponents. When it comes to the Qatar World Cup the rest is politics

Now we know why Suella Braverman’s demand to make cannabis a Class A drug failed

In her wide ranging discipline and punish culture war against anything she doesn’t like Home Secretary Suella Braverman recently proposed making Cannabis a Class A drug. No doubt she envisaged police arresting ethnic minorities (not white middle class people)and long jail sentences being handed out.

The proposal went nowhere and today’s Guardian story about traces of cocaine being found at Chevening, the grace and favour mansion used by the Foreign Secretary explains why. Liz Truss held meetings and events there during her Tory leadership bid. She of course is high on her own supply (of ideology) but cocaine has long been the Tory drug of choice…

https://www.theguardian.com/society/2022/oct/10/no-10-rejects-reports-suella-braverman-could-make-cannabis-class-a

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2022/dec/16/traces-of-suspected-cocaine-found-after-parties-in-liz-truss-grace-and-favour-house-say-staff