Beard Liberation Front
19th October
Beard Liberation Front guide to eating Tofu
Home Secretary Suella Braverman has told the Commons that behind the current Just Stop Oil protests are Guardian reading tofu eaters.
The Beard Liberation Front is concerned that where supporters are eating tofu based food that they do so both in a beard friendly manner and in a way that avoids arrest under Public Order legislation.
1 When buying tofu make sure to wear dark glasses to avoid recognition
2 Once at home draw the curtains to make sure you are not spotted with tofu by Braverman’s Wokery police force
3 If cooking tofu in blocks after marinading make sure that all the marinade has been absorbed so that none goes in the beard. Also make sure that the tofu blocks are of a suitable size to go in the mouth without interfacing with the beard
4 Make sure you dispose of all evidence relating to tofu eating securely
Thank you. I will follow all your recommendations, apart from the ones related to beards. I haven’t got a beard.