The Ambridge Socialist
9th April
The Return of Titchener: Starmer must focus ASBO plans
Rob Titchener, at least according to Sgt Knacker Burns, is ‘back in the country’. Keir Starmer’s plans for ASBO’s now have a clear focus. We know that when it comes to Titchener, anti-social behaviour is just the start.
Beard of the Year set to appear in The Bull
It may not take the rural class struggle much further forward but a former Beard of the Year in the form of Rylan Clark-Neal is set to make an appearance in The Bull on 15th May. He will judge Ambridge’s own Eurovision contest which may or may not feature Brian’s version of Forever Young.
Meanwhile Justin has bowed out of the Eurovision planning team admitting he knows nothing about it but was just looking for a box tick for his Borsetshire Business Bore of the Year Award.
Jennifer’s Will
Jenny has left Alice £15K in her will but nothing to her other children. An Ambridge version of the Moral Maze has been running all week. Perhaps she saw in Alice a version of herself as a young single mother struggling with life. That said Alice has never had a Che Guevara poster on her wall
Whither Shires Bitter?
How does The Bull in Ambridge manage to get away with selling only a single brew? Nobody asks for anything but Shire’s, and nobody is offered anything but Shire’s. Could it be that it is such nectar that nobody would dream of drinking anything else? If that is the case, then please tell me where, apart from Borsetshire, I can find it.
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