13th May
With the British asparagus season now peaking after poor weather the Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearer, has drawn up a brief guide on how the hirsute can eat asparagus without causing follicle issues.
1 Steam or grill the asparagus according to taste.
2 Trim the end to make sure that the whole spear will be edible
3 Hold the asparagus spear between forefinger and thumb and place in the mouth.
4 Depending on the length of the asparagus spear a snood may be appropriate to avoid any flaking into the beard
4 Repeat to taste
5 If Hollandaise sauce or other dips are used it may be more appropriate but not essential to use a knife and fork. Generally a small amount of sauce should be able to be accommodated within steps 1-4 above.
This terrific post reminds me of my recent experience at the annual British Asparagus Festival—a celebration of all things green and stalky. Imagine my excitement when I misread the event listing and thought it said “Brittany ‘Spears’ would be performing.” I pictured an outdoor concert, fans screaming, and Britney belting out “Toxic” in a field of asparagus.
Reality hit hard when I arrived, not to the electrifying beats of pop royalty, but to the gentle rustle of asparagus being celebrated in its full verdant glory. Instead of backup dancers, there were farmers in wellies discussing the merits of sandy soil. The only “toxic” element was the overenthusiastic use of fertilizer.
I stayed, of course, and learned more about asparagus than I ever thought possible. There was an asparagus cook-off, asparagus eating contests, and even an asparagus-themed hat competition. By the end of the day, I was crowned the accidental Asparagus Queen, having impressed the locals with my impromptu dance to “Oops!… I Did It Again” on the back of a tractor.
So, while I didn’t get the concert I expected, I left with a newfound appreciation for the vegetable world and a year’s supply of asparagus recipes. Note to self: next time, double-check the event listing!