Kmflett's Blog

The Ambridge Socialist

30^th June

Nearly 70 years of class struggle in Borsetshire

PC Burns must bring Jayston in for questioning

The Professor returned this week but was acting oddly (even for Ambridge). He told Saint Shula that he was particularly concerned that Harold Jayston had attended his non-birthday event, which the Professor himself walked out of. Later he confessed to Alastair & Jazzer that Jayston had abused him as a young boy. PC Knacker Burns can forget about the bunting and bring Mr Jayston in for questioning

Tom and Natasha split over Post-Nup agreement

Pat and Tony have suggested that Tom and Natasha sign a post-nup to stop each other from picking up their various financial disasters. Natasha agrees, Tom does not. The ruling class in Ambridge lurches further into crisis

Who in Ambridge backs Johnson

The Ambridge Socialist brings you the speculation from Ambridge that the BBC wont cover. We polled Ambridge Socialist readers on who the most likely Ambridge residents are to back Johnson for Tory leader

The Ambridge Socialist is mindful that the average age of Tory members is thought to be between 55-60, so while it might be thought that, for example, Natasha, might support Johnson statistically it is very unlikely she’d be a member.

It is not known if Johnson listens to the Archers or if he plans an Ambridge ‘rally’ in the upstairs room at the Bull

The results of the Ambridge Socialist poll were as follows:

Justin Elliott 23.75%

Brian Aldridge 20%

Martyn Gibson 20%

Beard Liberation Front

Media Release

30th June

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard of the Cricket World Cup. Decisive Battle of the Beards at Edgbaston

The Beard Liberation Front has said that with the search for the Beard of the 2019 Cricket World Cup  into its fourth week a decisive Battle of the Beards is taking place between England and India at Edgbaston.

Indian Captain Virat Kohli is well placed in the poll so far. While Moeen Ali leads he is not playing on Sunday but the differently bearded Liam Plunkett is.

A poll of well-known hirsute cricketers who are playing in the World Cup is on-line

In the beginning was WG Grace but in the twentieth century cricket went to the barbers. So much so that by the early 1960s a major shaving company was sponsoring one day cricket and players deemed insufficiently clean shaven were sometimes sent from the field to sort it out.

In the twenty first century beards in cricket are back from Moeen to Hashim and Virat. Its now understood that a beard can have a psychological impact on opponents after Mike Brearley pioneered the point. Beards can also have an aero-dynamic impact on play itself.

Beards are playing an important, perhaps vital, role in the World Cup. But who will have the winning whiskers?

Contenders include Moeen Ali, Hashim Amla, Virat Kohli and even David Warner. Competition is bristling as the competition goes on

The Beard Liberation Front has said that to be eligible the beard must at least pass the Clint Eastwood post-stubble test & will ideally be more in the WG Grace beard zone

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, who will demonstrate the greater beard power at Edgbaston, England or India? The outcome could be key to the eventual winner of the Beard of the Cricket World Cup

Beard Liberation Front

29th June

Campaigners say ‘no truth’ in rumour Jeremy Corbyn’s beard is falling out

BRIGHTON, ENGLAND – SEPTEMBER 13: Labour leader Jeremy Corbyn gives a thumbs up to the crowd at a #KeepCorbyn event at the Brighton Dome on September 13, 2016 in Brighton, England. (Photo by Olivia Harris/Getty Images)

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that there is no truth in rumours circulating, it is thought by the Murdoch media, that Jeremy Corbyn’s beard is falling out.

On Saturday the Murdoch Times published a fake story that the Labour leader’s health is frail, despite having no evidence whatsoever to support this.

Corbyn, the current Parliamentary Beard of the Year, has worn a beard full-time since his election as MP for Islington North in 1983.

The campaigners say that while Jeremy Corbyn’s beard is not as organic as it was in the 1980s and 1990s, it remains firmly in place.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, this looks like a variant of stories that the CIA plotted to make Castro’s beard fall out in the 1960s. These stories were later shown to have been substantively true, except for the detail that the plot failed. While its correct that some former New Labour politicians such as Charles Clarke and David Blunkett have suffered from beard withering, where the beard diminishes the further its wearer moves from left-wing politics, Jeremy Corbyn’s beard remains undiminished whatever Rupert Murdoch may say.

Beard Liberation Front

Media Release

29th June

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard of the Cricket World Cup. Will Williamson shave Warner at Lords?

The Beard Liberation Front has said that with the search for the Beard of the 2019 Cricket World Cup  into its fourth week a decisive Beard Off is set for Lords as David Warner faces Kane Williamson on Saturday

A poll of well-known hirsute cricketers who are playing in the World Cup is on-line

In the beginning was WG Grace but in the twentieth century cricket went to the barbers. So much so that by the early 1960s a major shaving company was sponsoring one day cricket and players deemed insufficiently clean shaven were sometimes sent from the field to sort it out.

In the twenty first century beards in cricket are back from Moeen to Hashim and Virat. Its now understood that a beard can have a psychological impact on opponents after Mike Brearley pioneered the point. Beards can also have an aero-dynamic impact on play itself.

Beards are playing an important, perhaps vital, role in the World Cup. But who will have the winning whiskers?

Contenders include Moeen Ali, Hashim Amla, Virat Kohli and even David Warner. Competition is bristling as the competition goes on

The Beard Liberation Front has said that to be eligible the beard must at least pass the Clint Eastwood post-stubble test & will ideally be more in the WG Grace beard zone

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, who will demonstrate the greater beard power at Lords, Williamson or Warner? The outcome could be key to the eventual winner of the Beard of the Cricket World Cup

Johnson claims Jeremy Corbyn is a Marxist. What would Marx have said?

Tory leadership contender Johnson in a speech at Exeter has suggested that Jeremy Corbyn is “the leader of a cabal of superannuated Marxists”.

Johnson doesn’t usually know what he is talking about. Is this any different?

I’ve known the Labour leader for the best part of 40 years and while I can plausibly claim to be a Marxist (the Guardian have described me as such after all) I’m not sure it would be uppermost in how the Labour leader sees himself. Socialist and beard wearer might be closer. As with Tony Benn he understands the importance of Marx but he is possibly not the go to person to explain the complexities of the Marxist dialectic (see T A Jackson’s classic volume for that).

I might as a Marxist describe Jeremy Corbyn as a left-wing social democrat. It’s not an insult but at base it covers the point that he places a good deal more emphasis on change coming through Parliament than most Marxists would (after all he has been a Labour MP since 1983). That doesn’t mean that Parliamentary activity is not important but rather that there is also a range of other ways of achieving change in society not least by what is often called now ‘people power’. Of course Corbyn wouldn’t disagree, it’s a matter of emphasis.

In not being a Marxist Jeremy is however in good company, that of Marx himself. The great beard wearer towards the end of his life disagreed with the emphasis on reforms in the 1880 programme of the French Socialists. He believed that the fight for reforms was a genuine one not just a way of popularising the alternative of revolution.

He declared: “ce qu’il y a de certain c’est que moi, je ne suis pas Marxiste” (“what is certain is that I myself am not a Marxist”).

https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1880/05/parti-ouvrier.htm

On that basis perhaps Jeremy Corbyn could claim to be a follower of Marx but not a Marxist. Don’t expect Boris Johnson to comprehend the difference

.

Beard Liberation Front

17th July

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Campaigners issue updated heatwave guidance for beard:ice-cream interface

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has issued updated heatwave guidelines on eating ice-cream in warm or hot weather after high temperatures have been forecast for the next few days for some areas of the UK.

The campaigners say that while the hot weather naturally provokes the desire for a cooling ice-cream, extra care must be taken when it is hot to make sure that ice-cream does not melt in the beard, creating a sticky mess that can seriously damage the follicles.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, our advice to the hirsute is clear: take care out there when eating ice-cream. Tempting though it is in hot weather to eat ice-cream if you don’t follow BLF guidelines you could both make an unpleasant mess and seriously damage your beard.

Updated Guidelines on heating ice cream in hot weather

For the inexperienced beard wearer eating ice cream in hot weather is best avoided. The ice cream may melt and find its way into the beard while being eaten, creating a sticky and unpleasant mess

Lollies are not advised. They are highly likely to drip into the beard which will them become sticky with damaged hairs a likely outcome. However if you use a special lolly holder (pictured) they may be eaten with care

If ice-cream must be eaten there are three BLF approved methods:

Eating ice-cream cornets must be done with care. Make sure the paper covering is kept on as you eat the cone and that the bottom is contained in a handkerchief or similar to avoid drips in the beard

From a tub, where amounts consumed can be carefully controlled

In a sandwich, currently fashionable where the ice-cream is contained between two substantial biscuits (NOT wafers)

Beard Liberation Front

Media Release

29th June

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Tottenham cheesemaker Philip Wilton shaves Michael Eavis for Beard of Summer 2019 Award

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that with National Beard Week concluding on Saturday 29th June the vote for the Beard of Summer has seen Tottenham cheesemaker Philip Wilton shave Michael Eavis, the founder of Glastonbury for the coveted Beard of Summer 2019 title.

Michael Eavis won Beard of the Decade in 2009

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/somerset/8433768.stm

Philip Wilton makes cheese at Wildes Cheese in Tottenham a few minutes from Spurs White Hart Lane Stadium and one of only a handful of London cheesemakers.

Welcome

The campaigners say that Beard of Summer is the third of four seasonal Awards culminating in the coveted Beard of the Year in December.

The seasonal lists focus on those whose beards have made a positive impact in the public eye during the preceding weeks.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, congratulations go to Philip Wilton who has shaved Michael Eavis to conclusively win Beard of Summer in an on-line poll. Both are excellent ambassadors for the hirsute

Beard of Summer 2019

Stephen Kinnock, politician

Michael Eavis, Glastonbury founder

Michael Rosen, author & broadcaster

Philip Wilton, Tottenham cheesemaker

Lowkey, performer

Philip Ardagh, author

Mark Wood, cricketer

Aidan Turner, actor

.

The Age of Norman Stone

The right-wing historian Norman Stone died earlier this month aged 78. My brief appreciation is here:

https://kmflett.wordpress.com/2019/06/19/prof-norman-stone-8th-march-1941-19th-june-2019-right-wing-historian/

In my view Stone was a decent historian, but someone who also promoted himself as a right-wing commentator. The two were of course related but not, at least when it comes to his best-known work, in a way that undermined his historical writing.

Richard J Evans as written the Guardian’s obituary. While recognising Stone’s historical work it is quite sharply critical. Evans no doubt had in mind Stone’s own criticism of the historian E H Carr shortly after his own death.

https://www.theguardian.com/books/2019/jun/25/norman-stone-obituary

A critique of Evans obituary has now appeared in The Article from a former student of Stone. No doubt Professor Evans can respond himself if he wants to but the piece seems to me to go too far in two areas. Firstly it claims E H Carr is a forgotten historian which I don’t think is the case. How many a book of his is borrowed in the London Library is not a guide. Further it is implied that because Evans has produced an informative and interesting biography of Eric Hobsbawm that he is somehow a communist or Marxist and hence bound to be critical of Stone.

https://www.thearticle.com/whats-wrong-with-richard-evanss-obituary-of-norman-stone

As far as I’m aware and I was pleased that Professor Evans to spoke to a socialist history seminar that the Institute of Historical Research a few years ago, he is a social democrat (a perfectly honourable political position I should add) and his obituary of Stone, while it may be controversial to some, is I think professionally rather than politically motivated.

It must be said that The Times obituary (paywalled) his hardly kinder about Stone’s drinking, philandering and lack of historical research in later years. It also reveals that one of his pet hates was beards. Hmmm

Beard Liberation Front

Media Release

28th June

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Vote for Beard of Summer ends at midnight. Will Michael Eavis be shaved by Tottenham cheesemaker?

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that with National Beard Week concluding Saturday 29th June the vote for the Beard of Summer ends at midnight with the winner announced on Saturday

The campaigners say that Beard of Summer is the third of four seasonal Awards culminating in the coveted Beard of the Year in December.

The seasonal lists focus on those whose beards have made a positive impact in the public eye during the preceding weeks.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, there are some outstanding, high profile beard wearers on the Beard of Summer list so we expect the result to be a close shave.

Beard of Summer 2019

Stephen Kinnock, politician

Michael Eavis, Glastonbury founder

Michael Rosen, author & broadcaster

Philip Wilton, Tottenham cheesemaker

Lowkey, performer

Philip Ardagh, author

Mark Wood, cricketer

Aidan Turner, actor

.

Beard Liberation Front

28th June

contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Dos and Donts for beard wearers in hot weather at Glastonbury

With temperatures of 30C and above across much of the UK the Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has produced a guide for beard wearers covering what is prudent for the beard in hot weather and what is not.

The advice is particularly relevant for beard wearers at Glastonbury this weekend. The campaigners say that after a dip in the 1990s the number of beards at Glastonbury has been increasing year on year

Don’t
Don’t expose the beard hairs and follicles to the sun for any longer than 5 minutes at a time. The sun can dry out hairs and follicles and cause a withering effect.
Don’t use beard oils or waxes. In hot weather they may drip and may cause the beard to become sticky with beard hairs tangled*
Don’t shave off the beard unless absolutely unavoidable, for example you are already working in a very hot environment

Do
Do cool the beard by placing it from time to time in a chiller compartment for a few seconds (no longer). Alternatively an ice bucket can be used
Do cool the beard by dipping it in craft beer from time to time
Do trim the beard as appropriate to the heat

*thanks to Toby Wood