Kmflett's Blog

Beard Liberation Front

24^th August

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Ben Stokes & Chris Woakes named as Beards of the Summer 2020 Tests

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers has named England players Ben Stokes and Chris Woakes as the Beards of the Summer 2020 Tests.

The campaigners say that, partly due to lockdown conditions, the Summer 2020 Test series between England and the West Indies and England and Pakistan were amongst the most hirsute of recent times. There was a high level of gravitas adding facial hair in all the teams.

However with outstanding performances with bat and ball and consistency of hirsuteness Ben Stokes and Chris Woakes have been judged the Beards of the Summer 2020 Tests.

There is a special mention for the clean-shaven-stubble-beard-clean shaven dialectic that Jimmy Anderson developed and for the on-trend facial hair of Jofra Archer.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, this summer’s Tests have been a demonstration of beard power, but within that Ben Stokes and Chris Woakes stood as hirsute ambassadors for the game

From Parliament to street protest: ‘we are reliving 1968, but bigger’ (Financial Times)

The Financial Times sometimes publishes pieces that might not appear in the less specialist media and Simon Kuper’s piece in the FT magazine (22.8) on protest is a case in point.

He argues ‘we are reliving 1968, but bigger: an almost invariably peaceful street is replacing the parliament as the main arena of opposition’.

Kuper points out that protests against Donald Trump when he was elected in 2016 and now Black Lives Matter has dwarfed the size of previous protests.

He makes some further points. Firstly that most of the protests end up being lost.  Secondly that most protesters ‘have no formal affiliations’ and thirdly that in order to effect change in his view, an attachment to a political party is required. Fourthly that there is a new generation of protesters worldwide and they are mostly young.

These are points to be discussed but they do provide a context to Andy Beckett’s article in the Guardian (22.8) which ponders why given his incompetence Boris Johnson still enjoys support. Perhaps because people see power being contested in other arenas than Parliament.

https://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2020/aug/22/boris-johnson-government-incompetent-prime-minister-competent

Bridlington Quay 1872

Self Styled Education Secretary Gavin Williamson was on holiday in Scarborough from 3rd August according to the Murdoch Times. He did grow up there, has family there and everyone is allowed a holiday.

Even so a week is a long time in politics and going on holiday just a short time before the Exams Fiasco took place doesnt look like good political sense. Williamson tweeted that he had stayed in touch ( as many of us do) when on holiday but he’s meant to be in charge not just in touch.

Most seriously of all Williamson was in the wrong Yorkshire seaside town anyway. Engels preferred Bridlington just 16 miles down the Yorkshire coast:

August 1868. Engels takes a holiday in Bridlington

The Ambridge Socialist

23^rd August

Mystery tent pitched on Village Green

Unreported by the BBC, Ambridge Socialist reporters, have observed the erection of a tent on the Village Green. The tent appeared on Friday afternoon and several large gentlemen appeared to be involved.

Speculation is mounting that after Boris Johnson decided to cut his Scottish glamping trip short that he has decided to relocate together with his bell tent to Ambridge.

Ambridge Socialist Editor Keith Flett said, The Bull will expect a welcome increase in trade but we do  wonder if Sergeant Burns is up to maintaining order.

Forget Fallon and Emma. Its time to sack Natasha

Its unclear how or why Natasha became Helen’s representative on earth but she hardly seems the best person to advise others on how to run a business. If there is a person to lose their job in Ambridge our vote goes for Natasha.

Flower and Produce Show in crisis

Emma’s plans to run a virtual flower and produce show this year are in crisis. There is not, its fair to say, much enthusiasm for the idea with some preferring to wander round people’s gardens and related areas and observe matters in person

Radio 4 boss apologises for lockdown Archers.

The boss of Radio 4 has apologised on Feedback for the fact that some Archers listeners were unhappy with the lockdown monologues. Some dialogue has been reintroduced in August and recording in the studio has now resumed. Hopefully we can find out what has happened to Philip Moss

Campaign for Real Conkers

25th August

Media Release

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Wind leads to pre-season conker crisis

The Campaign for Real Conkers has said that windy weather across the UK is leading to a pre-season conker crisis.

The 2020 conker season officially launches on Bank Holiday Monday with indications that this year will provide an excellent conker crop.

However the windy weather has seen conkers prematurely dislodged from trees.

The campaigners say that in this case the conkers may not be suitable for games of conkers.

While the shell size will appear as normal, the conkers inside may be very small, or un-ripe.

While the conkers may ripen it is possible that, because they fell before they were fully mature, the conker will not be hard enough to withstand match play.

Campaign for Real Conkers Organiser Keith Flett said, the windy weather ahead of the official start of the conker season is a concern. Fortunately it may be that the 2020 crop is sufficiently large to still provide adequate numbers of conkers. We’ll know by the weekend

Notes

The Campaign for Real Conkers promotes conker playing with a minimum set of rules in an annual effort to increase the numbers who play the game.

In 2020 special socially distanced guidelines will apply for conker playing

Beard Liberation Front

22^nd August

Beard Liberation Front concedes that clean shaven batting works in very windy conditions

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has conceded that in very windy conditions, clean shaven may be the best way to approach batting.

The view comes after a review of the first day’s play in the Third Test at Southampton where two clean shaven batsmen, Crawley and Buttler thrived.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, obviously we’re keen on beard power in cricket but reality must be faced. In very windy conditions the beard can get blown about and distract the batsman from concentrating on the matter in hand

Boris Johnson:  a history of absences & the exams fiasco

Boris Johnson has a history of disappearing at key moments. Thanks to the, er, Mail, we know he is in a £1500 a week cottage in Scotland with a tent pitched nearby (probably for show).

It is now reported that because the location is no longer secret Johnson has abandoned the holiday after 3 days.

Johnson managed to get into a dispute with local farmer Kenny Cameron who owns the land where Johnson pitched his tent and apparently lit a fire. Johnson had the landowners permission to do neither and was trespassing:

Usually if people want to go inside a fenced area, they ask for permission first, but I was not asked at all. It is only polite to ask.”

Mr Cameron claimed the PM and his fiancee had jumped his three-foot fence by placing two chairs from the cottage on either side.

The farmer said: “He could have put up his tent in the garden of the cottage and there would have been no problem – but he didn’t do that.”

https://www.eveningexpress.co.uk/fp/news/specials/boris-johnson-angers-local-farmer-as-he-struggles-to-escape-controversy-during-his-wester-ross-holiday/

Earlier Johnson was reported as having been on holiday for two weeks. As ever with Johnson’s absences the matter is less than clear

What he hasn’t done on this occasion is make any comment on the school exams fiasco of this week. Still putting up a tent is a time -consuming business.

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-8648709/PICTURE-EXCLUSIVE-Boris-Johnson-FINALLY-breaks-cover.html

Meanwhile Johnson has a history of absences

In the crucial weeks before March (2020) Boris Johnson did not attend any of the five virus meetings held by Cobra, the emergency committee, in January and February and spent 12 days out of the public eye while on a ‘working’ holiday at (Chevening) in Kent.

Sunday Times 19th April

James Griffin, then Professor of Classical Literature at Balliol…was tolerant of Boris’s absences and late or non-existent work

Sonia Purnell, Just Boris

Boris’s persistent absences meant that mistakes were made that a more meticulous editor might have avoided

Sonia Purnell on Johnson’s period as Editor of the Spectator

‘not for the first time..the cry went up: Where is Boris’.

Sonia Purnell on attempts to contact Johnson, Mayor of London, after the start of rioting in London on 6/7th August 2011

Stuart Christie (1946-2020) & the Stoke Newington Eight

Stuart Christie died a few days ago

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2020/aug/17/stuart-christie-obituary

He was one of the great figures of the post-1945 left although I suspect that description wouldn’t have pleased him.

It is 40 years since the arrest of some of those who became known as the Stoke Newington 8 on 20th August 1971 at 395 Amhurst Rd.

Some, though perhaps not all of those arrested, were members of the Angry Brigade. Hardly the Italian Red Brigades or the German Red Army Faction, it did however use the technique of bombs to highlight its hated of the capitalist system.

No one was hurt in its bombing campaigns from around 1968 to 1972 but no doubt for those involved the terror was real enough.

There are some partial accounts of the Angry Brigade, including one very good one by Stuart Christie- Granny Made Me An Anarchist. Christie was tried and acquitted for the Angry Brigade attacks. Christie was certainly framed by the police, a reminder of the longevity of their illegal methods.

The early 1970s, the period when Ted Heath ran a Tory Government dedicated to an early version of Thatcherism, saw the biggest period of industrial upheaval in Britain since just before the First World War.

The Pentonville Five, dockers complaining about changes to the way work was done on the docks were jailed and released by the intervention of the previously unheard of Official Solicitor as the TUC called a General Strike.

These were heady days and the militancy worked. As the miners struck in 1974 Heath declared a Three- Day week in industry and called a General Election on the theme of ‘who governs Britain, the Tories or the Unions’. The electorate, returning a Labour Government determined the correct answer was the Unions.

In this context the activities of the Stoke Newington 8 appear to be a blip. They did not threaten capitalism, or even put a dent in profits.

We do not have a full account of what they were trying to achieve, any more than the Luddites or Captain Swing rioters of the nineteenth century felt moved to ‘tell all’ even in their old age.

Yet while the tactics were a failure particularly at a time when the structure in society that did have the power to shake capitalism-the organised working class-was moving into serious confrontation with the State, that is not the last word on the Angry Brigade.

Their targets included a TV outside broadcast van at the November 1970 Miss World show at the Albert Hall and the Biba fashion boutique.

They were undoubtedly influenced by the ideas of the Situationists and the ‘society of the spectacle’. When, forty years on, pay remains very much unequal despite the Equal Pay Act and sexism remains a major issue in society, while consumerism and the marketisation of society is a major concern of the left, the agenda that the Angry Brigade fought on appears remarkably prescient, even if the methods are not appealing.

At the Angry Brigade trial the judge claimed ‘conspiracy could be a nod or a wink’ as the bombings went despite the detention of the Stoke Newington 8.

They deserve to be remembered as part of our history. They raised awkward issues for society 40 years ago in awkward ways. They are awkward issues still and still worth getting angry about as well

Beard Liberation Front

Contact Keith Flett           07803 167266

21^st August

BEARD WEARERS WARNED: WIND CAN DAMAGE YOUR BEARD

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has said that as high winds are set to sweep across the UK on Friday beard wearers are strongly advised to take special care of their beards.

The campaigners say that while danger to life and limb is the central issue when extreme weather hits, a secondary concern for organic beard wearers is that exposing the beard to high and blustery winds may blow the beard out of shape and can cause permanent hair and follicle damage in some cases.

It is less likely that designer and some hipster beards will suffer significant wind damage

The BLF advises the following precautions:

Keep the beard slightly damp at all times by immersing it in a glass of hazy IPA or imperial stout. This will give solidity to the beard hairs and prevent them being blown around.

Use a scarf to protect the beard at all times

Secure the beard with elastic bands, strapping the hairs to the chin

If the beard is blown out of shape use a hair dryer to re-form the hairs in the correct position and then stay indoors for a several hours to allow the hairs and follicles to recover

BLF organiser Keith Flett said, the answer is most definitely not blowin’ in the wind today. We advise the hirsute to take care out there

Beard Liberation Front

20th August

Beard Liberation Front confirms that algorithms are not used in the Beard of the Year vote

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has confirmed that algorithms are not used to determine the shortlist in the annual Beard of the Year poll in December or any other vote run by the BLF during the year.

The campaigners say that the shortlist is drawn up by a panel of beard experts whose decisions may on occasion be eccentric or just completely wrong but any error is always entirely human.

There is no pre-set expectation as to who will the Beard of the Year vote although preferably it is someone people have actually heard of.

Further for Beard of the Year there is a democratic public poll to determine the final shortlist adding another safeguard.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, when it comes to Beard of the Year we expect the unexpected and algorithms, Bell Curves and all that Gove-Cummings BS are banned.