Kmflett's Blog

Beard Liberation Front

Press release August 3rd contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard of the Ashes 2019 poll launches

The Beard Liberation Front has said that the Beard of the 2019 Ashes is now on-line after an initial assessment of the teams at Edgbaston.

The campaigners say that things have moved on significantly since the last Home Beard of the Ashes poll in 2015.

Then former England captain Sir Alastair Cook and fast bowler Mark Wood tied for the coveted accolade of Beard of the Ashes 2015.

The highest ranked Australian player in 2015 was Nathan Lyon. His beard while adequate was inconsistent in terms of impact and delivery over the Five Match series.

In general the Australian team in 2015 made the serious error of becoming more clean shaven with each match, with David Warner shaving his moustache before the Oval game.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, unlike in 2015 Australia are now at the Beard of the Ashes poll in 2019 with opening batsman David Warner a leading contender while neither of the two England winners in 2015 will feature in 2019

The poll is open now and the winner will be announced on the Sunday of the final Oval Test in September

Beard of the Ashes 2019

Ben Stokes, England

David Warner, Australia

Rory Burns, England

Matthew Wade, Australia

Jonny Bairstow, England

Moeen Ali, England

Travis Head, Australia

Beard Liberat

Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

London Beard Week- vote for the best London Beard

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has announced the third London Beard Week which runs from 6th August

The week is a celebration of London, now one of the most beard friendly Capital cities in the world, and of London’s great hirsute heritage from Charles Dickens to Karl Marx.

The week coincides with CAMRA’s Great British Beer Festival at Olympia and wider beer related events associated with it as well as the London Craft Beer Festival at Tobacco Dock. The campaigners say that a rise in the interest in craft beer in London, there are now over 100 breweries within the M25, has led to a massive increase in beard wearing.

As part of the week the BLF is running a poll to find the most impactful and impressive figure with a beard who is or has been associated with London.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, the Capital has had some great beards in the past few hundred years but who best represents Hirsute London?

The best ever London Beard

Sigmund Freud, d Hampstead

Darcus Howe, anti-racist campaigner

Bernie Grant, Tottenham MP

Charles Dickens, author

Karl Marx, philosopher and activist

WG Grace, cricketer d Mottingham

Michael Rosen, broadcaster

William Morris, socialist & designer

Harry Kane, footballer b Walthamstow

William Cuffay, Leader of London Chartism

Keir Hardie, London Labour MP

Richard Thompson, singer & composer

Charles Darwin, naturalist, buried Westminster Abbey

Jeremy Corbyn, London Labour MP

Beard Liberation Front
Media Release
3rd August
Contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Rise of beards in cricket requires regulation with independent beard assessors

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has welcomed the views of former Umpire John Holder on how to deal with the impact of the rise in the number of beards in cricket.

Holder opined on the matter on Test Match Special’s Ask the Umpire slot on 2nd August during the second day of the Ashes Test at Edgbaston in response to questions from BLF Organiser Keith Flett and Peterborough supporter Toby Wood.

Holder noted in response to Flett that while players might try to ‘improve’ the ball by rubbing it in a beard previously enhanced by beard oil or balm, it was a matter for the Umpires on the field to intervene if they were concerned.

Likewise Holder suggested that if a player’s beard was long enough to obscure an Umpire’s view of play they could be asked to tuck it into their shirt.

The Beard Liberation Front says that while it totally accepts that Holder’s comments were made in good faith they might lead to dissent on the field. Criticising the length of someone’s beard or suggesting they were using it to illegally change the ball could be a very sensitive issue.

The campaigners say that it would be better for each Test to have an independent beard assessor who could deal with any facial hair related disputes under a previously agreed Code which should sit alongside but not be part of the Laws of Cricket

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, imagine what W G Grace would have said and done if an Umpire had attempted to intervene on a matter relating to his beard. An independent assessor would make sure there were no close shaves on the field.

Everywhere the proletariat are the tag, rag and bobtail of the official parties, and if any party has gained additional strength from the new voters, it is the Tories. The small towns, the half rotten boroughs are the salvation of bourgeois liberalism and the roles will be reversed: the Tories will now be in favour of more members for the big towns and the Liberals for unequal representation.

https://www.marxists.org/archive/marx/works/1868/letters/68_11_18-abs.htm

Actually Engels wrote this about the 1868 Election after the 1867 Reform Act had extended the electorate. It has no real direct relevance to Brecon in 2019 except there is something about two pro-austerity candidates fighting each other with the ultimate result that things remain much as they were. That was the outcome in 1868 in Brecon too

The election was declared void on petition, causing a by-election. The Liberals won the subsequent election in 1869

Jacob Rees Mogg: Guide to Beach Etiquette

It is High Summer and following JRM’s definitive guide to grammar it is time to remind employees who have generously been allowed a summer break about beach etiquette.

The Thatcher Archives are as the Marx & Engels Internet Archive to right minded people and an entry for 8^th August 1981 notes:

1500   Walked along the beach

This means that it is ideologically acceptable and commensurate with Thatcher Thought to visit the beach.

However there are some guidelines

1:  Wear suitable clothing at all times. If not planning a paddle a suit is acceptable

2:  if it is planned to paddle a full bathing costume, preferably in Union Jack colours, should be worn

3 Flip Flops and the like are banned. Closed toe sandals are acceptable

4 Traditionally one would use a bathing machine to paddle. However in 2019 make sure nanny checks the temperature of the water first and use a large beach towel to cover one’s bathing costume

5 Making sand castles is a traditional pastime

6 Ice cream should be consumed only in a tub to avoid stains on the bathing costume

7 Reading the Daily Telegraph while reclining in a deck chair is expected behaviour

8 On no account should a knotted handkerchief be worn on the head. A Top hat is acceptable

9 Beach cricket is expected behaviour and remember England always win

10 Do not use any electronic device on the beach. It is not traditional

Beard Liberation Front

1st August

The Beard Liberation Front, the informal network of beard wearers, has welcomed news that razor manufacturer Gillette is suffering a downturn in business due to growth in beards in its US market.

Marketwatch has reported:

Procter & Gamble PG, +0.87% on Tuesday blamed its recent $8 billion writedown on its men’s grooming brand Gillette on millennial men who aren’t shaving as much as previous generations.

“Lower shaving-frequency has reduced the size of the developed blades and razors market,” P&G Chief Financial Officer Jon Moeller said Tuesday on a call with analysts talking about the markets in the U.S. and Europe. And sharp competition from subscription services like Dollar Shave Club, now owned by Unilever UL, +0.96%, and Harry’s, now owned by Edgewell Personal CareEPC, +1.97%, aren’t making it any easier.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, we see this as good news but at the same time we certainly dont want to see those who manufacture razors lose their jobs. We are certain that Gillette can transfer their skills to the production of beard oils, balms and combs for the hirsute

Beard Liberation Front

Press release August 23rd contact Keith Flett 07803 167266

Beard of the Ashes poll set to launch

The Beard Liberation Front has said that a Beard of the 2019 Ashes is set to launch on Saturday after an initial assessment of the teams at Edgbaston.

The campaigners say that things have moved on significantly since the last Home Beard of the Ashes poll in 2015.

Then former England captain Sir Alastair Cook and fast bowler Mark Wood  tied for the coveted accolade of Beard of the Ashes 2015.

The highest ranked Australian player in 2015 was Nathan Lyon. His beard while adequate was inconsistent in terms of impact and delivery over the Five Match series.

In general the Australian team in 2015 made the serious error of becoming more clean shaven with each match, with David Warner shaving his moustache before the Oval game.

BLF Organiser Keith Flett said, unlike in 2015 Australia are now at the Beard of the Ashes poll in 2019 with opening batsman David Warner a leading contender while neither of the two England winners in 2015 are likely to feature in 2019

Campaigners mark Yorkshire Day with a reminder of a rare picture of a hirsute Geoffrey Boycott

Beard Liberation Front

Jacob Rees Mogg is the new Leader of the House of Commons, a successful businessman, and an author of a guide to grammar for his staff. He is also someone with a hard right reactionary political agenda.

But as a type of person he is strikingly similar to one of the great characters of English literature, Mr Podsnap, who was accorded an entire chapter in Charles Dickens Our Mutual Friend.

A brief summary of Mr Podsnap is below:

“Mr. Podsnap was well to do, and stood very high in Mr. Podsnap’s opinion. Beginning with a good inheritance, he had married a good inheritance, and had thriven exceedingly in the Marine Insurance way, and was quite satisfied. He never could make out why everybody was not quite satisfied, and he felt conscious that he set a brilliant social example in being particularly well satisfied with most things, and, above all other things, with himself.”

Jessica Elgot (Lib Dems avoid Brexit in rural Wales campaign, 30 July) describes Brecon as an area where sheep outnumber people 10 to one. A more neutral way of putting it is that it is a largely agricultural area adjacent to the area of England where the Archers is located.
Keith Flett
London

The Guardian 1st August 2019